Post date: Dec 13, 2011 10:51:53 PM
Have you ever been in an exam hall when a teacher stood right next to you?
It feels uncomfortable.
You can't write anything till (s)he goes away although we know that the very same teacher will read it to evaluate – at the moment we feel uncomfortable even by the thought that (s)he might be looking at what we are writing!
I have a similar feeling about my blogs... I want people to read it, more and more of them... as many readers as possible (in the same way as in an exam hall all you want is to write every possible meaningful thing which you can !). But when I think that a particular person might read it, I feel uncomfortable posting specific thoughts. Sometimes - I think that few people, I know, may correlate themselves with the content of my posts. This is one of the reasons I never post things which I write in my diary! This thought mostly also filters out something which I want to write... and for the same reason, I don't share my blog posts anywhere on social networking sites... never! I want people to share and read it, but I don't do it myself :)
I didn't add my blogs on Orkut for a long time. I removed update from my Facebook wall as soon as I updated my webpage on Facebook profile. I don't remember telling anyone that I write blogs (except one). When some of my friends (and family members) find about it from somewhere and ask me - I never tell them the blog url myself. One of my acquaintances kept asking me, "what is the link of your blog?"... finally, she got it from Dainik Jagran newspaper (She doesn't use the internet much, but searched and found it as well); till then, I kept telling her she will find it herself someday. (she even goes on to say - Sabhi ko pata hai ek mujhe chhodkar... ! why don't you tell me ?)
What kind of psychological process is that?
... I just thought maybe this is the reason I became more active on this mini-blog [which I thought no one will ever read ;)] and then on FB followed by Twitter these days. What a paradox ! I want more and more people to read... but I don't at the same time! ...but maybe it is not that complex to understand :)
The posts I write, thinking no one will ever read it - are the ones I like most!